Staci was "Born" That Day - A Crossdresser's Story

When I was 10 I would spend significant time at my friend’s house on the outskirts of the city in which I grew up. His family had a large plot of land – perfect for your boys to spend long summer days exploring, playing, and generally causing harmless trouble on.  One day we were exploring the house looking for something to entertain us when we stumbled on my friend’s father’s stash of Playboy magazines. The images in the magazines kept us captivated for weeks, one magazine at a time. Eventually, it occurred to us that my friend’s mother likely had some of the same style underwear (we didn’t know to call it lingerie). One afternoon, when the house was empty, we went searching for her secret drawer. It took little time to discover which drawer and immediately inspect all manner of intimate apparel. We never took anything from the drawer, but for a month after, when things turned from playing games and exploring on our bikes to a more sexualized mood, we would sneak up and look in the drawer and collect a few playboys. 

A few years passed, by now I was 13, and my family had moved from a large city to a very small farming community. It was summer and my parents were both at work. Being left to my own devices and now completely in the throes of puberty, I remembered my friend’s mother’s lingerie drawer. While my father never kept playboy at the house, I was well aware of the frequent arrival of the Victoria’s Secret catalogs. Over time, sneaking the VS Christmas or Valentine’s catalog to my room in the middle of the night gave way to wondering if my mother had a similar drawer. After carefully inspecting the most recent installment from Victoria’s Secret one night I decided that the next day, once everyone was at work I would go looking. 

"...and most of all (I) learned that lingerie was associated with beauty and sexual desire."

The morning came, I slept in as was fairly normal that summer, and when I was sure the coast was clear, the hunt was on. First to mom’s closet, then to her dresser, then the night stand. What I found absolutely did not disappoint. In her closet I found a high legged one-piece swimsuit, and a teddy or two. In her dresser I found the goods. A drawer of panties straight from the pages of Victoria’s Secret. It was an array of colors, textures, and styles that no teenage boy had ever contemplated. I was thrilled with potential hours of exploration I had just stumbled across. I matched the styles and colors to the pages of the catalog, learned the names of the styles and fabrics, and most of all learned that lingeriewas associated with beauty and sexual desire. The model in the catalogs felt as though they were coming alive in my hands as I learned that Adriana looked amazing in a red satin thong with lace and bow detail. 

"The feeling of the fabrics and lace in my hand and later around other parts of my body filled me with a wild energy that I craved more and more every-time I experienced it."

As the summer progressed, the study evolved into other explorations. The feeling of the fabrics and lace in my hand and later around other parts of my body filled me with a wild energy that I craved more and more every-time I experienced it. One day, the fantasy finally over ran my ability to control and while standing in my mother’s closet, I decided I needed to KNOW what that high legged one-piece felt like to wear. My clothes fell off as if by magic, I pulled the swimwear off its hanger, looked for a moment and decided that stepping in from the top made the most sense. Then with one smooth motion I stepped in and pulled the suit up my legs, over my waist, and landed the shoulder straps directly in place. I was shocked feeling the leg holes wrap around my thighs, the shoulder straps gently pull into my shoulders, and the stretchy material now gently squeezing my now very erect anatomy. Slowly, I walked out to take in the view in the vanity mirror. I tried to mimic a few of the poses I had seen in the catalogs, and as I turned to face myself square on; it happened. I had an orgasm standing in front of the mirror. Directly into my mother’s swimsuit. 

 "No idea where that desire came from, or why, but that is what I NEEDED to do."

After that experience, and the panicked cleaning and drying process that ensued, I stayed away from “the” drawer for a long time. But over time the feeling of the material, the naughty factor, and the excitement of holding lingerie in my hands came back; stronger than ever. I only ever went back to the drawer one more time. This time to borrow a pair of nude satin panties with lace insert panels in the front – with bow detail. I have no idea the connection, but my friends and I were planning to ride our bikes to the movies and sneak into a rated R movie. I wanted to do that wearing panties, and so I did. No idea where that desire came from, or why, but that is what I NEEDED to do. Those panties never made it back in the drawer. 

Years passed with no other events. Though high school and into college I would look at the Victoria’s Secret website, or maybe stir up enough courage to walk through the lingerie section of a store in the mall, but that is all. Over time, I convinced many girlfriends to wear whatever VS outfit struck my fancy, but deep down I was buying that outfit for both of us. I wanted to see her in it, and I wanted to feel it against me. I wouldn’t wear it, but was keenly aware of the cut and fabric as we were intimate. After one particularly mess break up, I wound up the owner of a rather large collection of lingerie, all in her size, some sets more worn than others.  Unable to completely turn off my desire for the sexual energy and the lingerie, I decided to use her collection as a masturbation aid. As pieces of that collection were discarded, they were not replaced, and finally they were all gone. 

"It wasn’t long until I owned the entire fall collection, but I had never worn any of it in public."

As fate would have it, I had just relocated to my first professional job location and rented a house that had been previously inhabited by a woman named Staci, who obviously loved her lingerie. Suddenly, Staci’s Frederick’s of Hollywood and Victoria’s Secret catalogs started frequently being delivered to my mailbox. It wasn’t long until I decided it would be fun to have something to play with in the evenings between work shifts while I met people. And for whatever reason, when I went to order online, I estimated my size in women’s panties and that is what I ordered. I was hooked by Victoria’s Secret’s constantly rotating deals and offers of buy 4, get 5… It wasn’t long until I owned the entire fall collection, but I had never worn any of it in public. 

"... I decided last minute to wear a VS PINK lace thong under my jeans."

One day I was getting ready for a day of meetings and was in a particularly powerful “mood” – I had tried to do something about that several times, and while it felt great, I just needed more. So as the clock clicked down, and I had to go, I decided last minute to wear a VS PINK lace thong under my jeans. That day of meetings was one of the most distracted I have ever lived through. But when I got home, I felt the greatest relief I have ever experienced. I knew right then, that my Victoria’s Secret Angels card, while it definitely would buy more lingerie for the woman I would date, would also buy me things I liked FOR ME. 

"Initially I looked for something to buy her, but as outfit after outfit went buy I realized the only person in my house that would wear any of it, would be me."

Not long after I wound up in a long relationship with a woman who, while initially was very sexually involved, over time we were less and less intimate. As things tapered I tried numerous experiments to make things interesting again but to no luck. Then one day, driving home from work, I thought to stop in at Victoria’s Secret on the way home from work. Initially I looked for something to buy her, but as outfit after outfit went buy I realized the only person in my house that would wear any of it, would be me. I picked a few cute pairs of panties, ones I thought I could easily hide, and went home. When my next business trip came up, I snuck the panties into my luggage and the moment I was safely in my hotel room, I slid them on and collapsed on the bed. As the years went on my collection grew and shrunk, the frequency expanded and contracted, the styles changed, but it was always only for enjoyment while traveling. 

 "In truth, I hoped that by telling her what I had been doing, she would somehow accept it."

In the end, one trip, I came home to a very clean house and a crying girlfriend. It seems that while cleaning the house, she had found some of the panties that I had left behind. In a drawer, in my office. I swallowed my pride, and decided to risk it all. In truth, I hoped that by telling her what I had been doing, she would somehow accept it. But that was absolutely not the case. She accused me of lying about it and was convinced I was cheating. We never recovered from that day, and I suggest that is likely one of the biggest contributors to our failure as a relationship. She moved in with her grandmother “temporarily” during COVID to serve as a live-in caregiver, and I was left to keep our house afloat. 

 "I was instantly shocked to have thousands of likes on a picture of very boring panties on a very hungover me."

Over that period alone, I explored more of this “lingerie thing” – I bought more pieces, I wore it more frequently, I even created a “sissy” page on Instagram. I was instantly shocked to have thousands of likes on a picture of very boring panties on a very hungover me. Clearly in the photo I am not female, but the likes kept coming… I had never felt anything like that before. I even commented in the post that Staci was “born” that day. To date, I have numerous posts in all manner of lingerie and some other women’s apparel. Over time, I have come to understand some of my motivations to wear lingerie, currently I believe it to be a method of escape from the stresses of my normal work life. I have to be high alpha at work, it is relaxing and rejuvenating to be the opposite occasionally at home. 

I hope to one day find a female partner that will lingerie shop together, for both of us, then model those outfits for each other before we are intimate. It seems unlikely that will ever actually happen, but it is a hope.

 – Staci