Why can't I have lacy underwear just because I can grow a beard?

  I guess for me, it was not really about 'cross' dressing but about 'sexy' dressing. That is, I first thought about wearing supposedly female only clothing because it is generally much more sexy and interesting than supposedly male only clothing. Why can't I have lacy underwear, stockings, suspenders, a dress that reveals my shoulders and back, six inch heels with sparkles, etc. just because I can grow a beard?

  I guess I first had such feelings as a teen. And once or twice might have raided my mom's drawers for something to wear. But that just felt weird! And while the feelings may have persisted, I didn't really have any idea how to express or explore them.

  So, fast forward a decade or so and the discovery of fetish night clubs and the amazing world of leather, latex and kink. Suddenly, there was a place to dress in any way one wanted and no-one would disapprove! It still didn't quite fit, though. Not completely. Latex outfits are super sexy but they are also a lot of effort. It's not really the kind of thing you can wear on a daily basis.

  Through the kink scene, I discovered the idea of cross-dressing. And through the internet I discovered the existence of transgender. At first, it was just a case of 'hmm, that is curious but not of interest to me'. Then it became 'ooh, that is sexy'. And then I found myself walking into a shop called Transformations and asking the assistant to help me pick out a feminine outfit for myself.

  I left with a short black skirt, a lace top, a chunky red belt to connect the two together plus a pair of black 3" heel shoes, lace top sheer stockings and the most unsexy sexy panties ever! The idea was they were 'camouflage panties' with a 'secret compartment' to hide one's male parts and appear more feminine. However, even with all the frilly lace around the sides, they still looked more like medical support than sexy lingerie. They also really didn't work at all as advertised. Oh well, they seemed like a good idea at the time! They were quickly replaced by something more female intended, which not only looked so much better but also actually fit better and were more comfortable to wear!

Wearing a 'female' outfit of any sort felt like crossing some kind of boundary that was not allowed to be crossed. All in the mind but the mind can be a powerful barrier.

  I don't think I ever felt brave enough to wear that outfit to a kink club. Going out dancing wearing a kinky 'male' outfit (e.g. leather g-string, latex chaps, a latex shirt and chunky boots) felt daring but 'acceptable'. Whereas, wearing a 'female' outfit of any sort felt like crossing some kind of boundary that was not allowed to be crossed. All in the mind but the mind can be a powerful barrier.

  As time went on, I drifted away from the kink scene for various reasons. But at the same time, my collection of lingerie seemed to be growing. And that one skirt and top soon found some dresses and other such items hanging next to them in the closet. As gradually it dawned on me that I had discovered that thing that was missing. The whole time the answer had been right in front of my eyes in every department store I'd ever shopped at. Just stray from the men's department into the women's department and there is a whole world of exciting outfits to wear. All of which can be worn on a daily basis (if still only in the privacy of one's home).

I realized that anatomical need has nothing to do with anything. This isn't about necessity, this is about looking and feeling sexy. And a cute bra certainly has that effect!

  Initially, I was not really interested in bras. I have a male body, I don't need a bra. Or so I thought. Since then, I have certainly entertained transgender thoughts and fantasies, but that is a different (though related) topic. Anyway, instead of bras I generally preferred halter tops. Maybe the difference is academic but halter tops appealed to me more than straight up bras. Or bodysuits was another fun option. But more recently, I realized that anatomical need has nothing to do with anything. This isn't about necessity, this is about looking and feeling sexy. And a cute bra certainly has that effect! So while I still prefer halter tops, that preference is only slight. And my lingerie collection includes a number of bras in a variety of styles. All of which I totally enjoy wearing whenever at all possible.

And, with how times are changing and since moving to a city that is more open to non-standard gender expression, I am getting braver.

  Having said all that, even now I am nowhere near brave enough to go to a women's clothing store and try on dresses and skirts and lingerie. Or indeed go walking down the high street in a dress in the middle of the day. But with the internet shopping revolution, at least part of that problem is solved. And, with how times are changing and since moving to a city that is more open to non-standard gender expression, I am getting braver. There are a few places around where someone like myself can go and be themselves.

  So now, when I'm working from home, I'll often be sat at my desk in a backless dress. Or maybe it will be a skimpy crop top and a short twirly skirt, depending on my mood. And of course, there will be a pair of lacy panties and bra underneath. Maybe even a sexy g-string if I'm feeling daring. Or a bright red thong and matching halter top with a heart cut-out on the back. Although there will always be a shirt near to hand just in case my boss calls unexpectedly for a video chat!

  And when I'm going out grocery shopping, I might be wearing a regular pair of jeans and a shirt on top. Underneath, though, will be something much more feminine and enticing. And if it is getting late and the shop is likely to be mostly empty, I might even hide a pair of heeled boots beneath those jeans.

  Plus, just every so often, late in the evening, I will pick out a lacy bra and panties, pull on some thigh high stockings, my favorite dark red velvet skirt and a frilly blouse. Or maybe that long, flowing dress that swooshes awesomely while walking. Then slide into my gorgeous black knee high boots with the 3" heel and strut out to the door heading to a local bar that I know. An all-body, all-gender friendly bar where I can just chill and enjoy being out in the world dressed how I want to be dressed. Safe in the knowledge that if anyone there were to comment on how I'm dressed then it will be a compliment, or maybe asking where I got those awesome boots from :).

J.